Dave ordains

I wrote earlier about my friend David planning to ordain as a monk. Well: he did it. He's Luang Phee David now (in this monastery). But the real challenge, of course starts after the chanting. It is no coincidence that being a monk and maintaining mindfulness has been compared to entering a cave full of tigers...

Anyway... more pictures HERE.

Whoa ho ho!

Christmas is a little different here in Thailand. It's one day of wild X-mas mayhem. What exactly goes on varies from place to place. But it's definitely not about long luxurious dinners with the family or baby Jesus here. It's about wearing red, going nuts and having fun. Especially if Santa's beard is falling off :)

More pics...... here!

Don't Phin me down

A friend of mine decided it was time to become a monk. In Thailand, that's not uncommon. In fact: most Thai men ordain for a couple of months when they are in their teens or twenties. It's sort of a rite of passage.

My friend, how ever, has just turned 50 and what's more: he's a farang. Now, many foreigners come to Thailand to flirt with Buddhism. But few have the resolve to go and study at a so called forest monastery. (Students of Ajarn Chah, like the Australian Ajarn Brahm are a notable exception).

My friend has that resolve (for now). I add the 'for now' with the least bit of sarcasm. Because for him it means he will be doing some bare bones (and knuckles) meditation practice in the jungle (forest is a bit of a misnomer). Stuff like getting up at four in the morning. Eating only what you from your alms rounds and: not eating at all after twelve o' clock.

There are many more rules and the forest tradition in Thailand is famous for being strict (as opposed to most others). One of those other rules for monks is: no music. And first and foremost: no possessions. That's were I come in. Because my friend used to own a handmade Isaan guitar called the phin.

Used to, because now I have it. Which means I've started to try and play it. This is fun but by no means a piece of cake. The tuning is slightly strange (three strings EAE), the instrument is fretted for the Thai eight tone scale and the morlam music you're supposed play with it is mostly very, very fast. Which is why I won't be playing any Thai festivals any time soon. Or in Bangkok at the roadside for spare change like this fantastic phin shredder:

Haiku #4

No color remains
Try to grab hold all the same
Hokusai's shoulders

EVERYBODY PANIC!!!!

Yes: Thailand is in a spot of bother. Over the last years there have been several bomb explosions, violent clashes and military coups. Well one. But it's not over yet. Convicted megalomaniac fugitive ex-Prime Minster Taksin is said to still rule the country from abroad by proxy and half of Bangkok (joined in the PAD) is trying to shake off everything that has anything to do with him, while behind the scenes the army is wielding considerable (and unpredictable) power.

For now the army seems to have sided with the PAD. That is to say, both the PAD and the army agree on one thing: current PM Wongsawat (Thaksin's brother in law) should quit. Preferably before the birthday of the King (which is on the 5th of December).

Meanwhile here in Isaan (as in most of Thailand) there is no sign of any trouble at all. Yes, there are deep divisions and there's discontent. But the markets are bustling as usual, people are celebrating the local silk festival and life generally goes on as it has done for centuries.

Which is why I'm just a tad surprised when a renowned English paper like the Telegraph has put Thailand at number seven(!) in the dangerous-country-top-twenty. After countries like Iraq, Afghanistan and Sudan.

I've written an article like that myself years ago, managing to research it well for some reason. I found that the most dangerous places in the world (say the top 10) have been the same for years. Like Colombia, with it's exciting drug wars and unexpected kidnappings into pristine deep jungles. But apparently Thailand is way more dangerous than that now with it's closed airports and thousands of inconvenienced travelers.

Thailand is also deemed more dangerous than the Democratic Republic of Congo with it's panoramic view over war torn Africa, the Occupied Palestinian Territories and a hand full of other exotic countries with long standing travel warnings by the FCO. Countries were tourists are actually targeted. But I guess those sorry old stories don't sell any papers.

Interesting thing, that FCO list. Sure, Thailand has been on it for years too (because of the trouble in the deep south). But there's only one country in the world you really shouldn't go to at all: Somalia. Funny how that one never made the Telegraph...

Haiku #3

Cool November lies
And discreetly masks it’s bite
The hounding winter

Today's Haiku

That is the moon you
Hold out your fist and say it
Revolves around this

Haiku: because they come

About a year ago I discovered that haiku (those ancient Japanese verses) came quite naturally to me. Great. A lot of people seem to have that. The web and the world are brimming with haiku. Why add more?

Only after digging in to haiku and zen history, reading reading Kerouac's and Basho's haiku (not to mention his journey) did I feel that my should be seen and read. It turns out that's why they come. For better or for worse. So here's a bunch. You can expect more...


In thirty-four years
The moon has shone for more than
An eternity

***

Clouds drift to the sea
Not asking 'how old' or 'why'
Don't they seem happy?

***

The sun shrugs and sets
A million stars sing their past
They rise further west

Repost

Too bad Oboema the white black guy from Jiskefet (a Dutch TV comedy) didn't win, but of course I am happy Obama did. In fact I've been rooting for him ever since I did this oh-so-wrong-photoshop in January :)

Game over

You probably don't know this about me, but I have led a double life for the past month or so. I've been making Fantastic Contraptions (and there is no twelve step program for it).

FantasticContraption is a game unlike any I have played. It brings out the engineer in you. The wonderfully frustrated cursing engineer up in the middle of the night hunched over the computer screen with a contorted face. That too.

Because you have to get the pink thing in the other pink think you see. Most of you are familiar with that sort of process (nudge wink) but not like this. You can build whatever you like to do the job but you've got to stay in the blue box you see... The best thing about the game: after you do a level, can check out what other people constructed.



Anyway: check it out at FantasticContraption.com. And while you're at it: check out my creation called 'extendedversion' (press play and continue) that made it through the last level. My work is done...

Not so bad after all

There are a couple of places in Thailand that I've avoided like the plague. Places in the you-don't-have-to-pour-acid-in-your-eyes-to-know-that-it-stings-category.

On top of that list is Pataya. In many ways I have been there. I have seen Pataya in places like Goa, in Cuba and let's not forget red light districts the world over. I imagine Pataya to be a cross between Amsterdam's red light district, the backrooms at Club Fire in Kathmandu and a kindergarten run by ruthless Russian mobsters.

No, thank you very much. For that same reason I just couldn't seem fit the bar scene at Phuket in my itinerairy. And you better believe I have yet to set foot in Soi Cowboy or Nana Plaza in Bangkok. It's (again with the Russians) a little like Siberia: I know where it is, but I just don't want to go.

Somewhere at the very bottom of the list: Ko Samet (or rather Goh Saamed). Too close to Bangkok, to crowded and overrun. At least the noisy hookers mostly stay on the mainland at Ban Phe but that's the most charming quality of the Island. Or is it?

I just got back from ten days at one of the southern most beaches and it can get a little busy, but for the most part it was great: nice, not to expensive cabins on the beach, no major developments, but a lot of Thai little foodplaces and resorts. Nice.

Especially since we could avoid the crowds and took the ultra special secret boat past the main pier and imediatly headed a couple of beaches south of where all the jet ski's and bars are. Of course I can't write about exactly how we pulled this stunt. It would just become less ultra special, not to mention less secret...

Did I mention I even conviniently 'forgot' my camera? Totaly black bag ops.

Time on your side

As a drummer I am kinda obsessed with time keeping. 183 beats per minute with a slight drag. Threes in fours. Swinging fives in straight eights. All that jazz. And when you are really in the middle of stuff like that something strange happens: time actually almost comes to a standstill.

That becomes extra funny when you are counting/focusing on the gaps rather than the notes (like many good drummers do). And it becomes really interesting when on top of experiencing all that you are also a meditator. Because if you truly are in the present moment, by default time stops completely. 'Just now' is just gone and 'in a split second' is still a split second away.

When I meditate, though, I still get swept away by thoughts about tomorrow or yesterday or even some event in imaginary time. (If you want to read about time and mass and energy and imaginary time I can wholeheartedly recommend 'The Hole in the Universe: how scientists peered over the edge of emptiness and found everything' by the way).

Anyway: I keep on having to pull myself back into the now. One reason why is of course that I'm as scatterbrained as the next guy. That takes time to fix. But the other reason why I kept thinking stray thoughts like 'are we done yet' or 'I hope I still have 20 minutes' was actually very easy to fix: I got rid of my meditation timer.

Sure, if I really have limited time I still set my mindful clock. But lately all my evening meditations have been untimed, timeless and because of that very tranquil. It didn't make any sense before to wonder what time it was or how many minutes were left. But now that you're not waiting for a bell to ring it becomes utterly rediculous and is not on your mind at all.

I can recommend it to enyone. Just sit how long you sit. And especially don't try to sit longer that ever. If it turns out to be 11 minutes: so be it. And if it's one hour: just as good.

Okay, now stretch your piriformis

Every now and then I come across a yoga position so good that I feel the need to put it online just in case our civilization is lost and all that remains are a couple servers in what used to be the Google HQ. So for all you interstellar visitors and every body still around, here's my new favorite pose: the one legged royal pigeon pose, or eke pada rajakapotasana.

In it's normal upright form it is classified as an advanced kneeling back bend. But I'm not so advanced, so I do the easier forward fold variation. (Brought to you courtesy of a great book with great pictures: Yoga Anatomy Incidentally, the upright pigeon pose is on the cover).



The reason why this is my new fav: it is very intense and very relaxing at the same time. A wonderful combination that stems from stretching your piriformis muscle apparently. The piriformis is a hip stabilizer that crosses the sciatic nerve, which is the largest nerve in the body. Feeling is believing. Especially if you happen to have sciatic pain.



As you can probably see from this angle you are actually stretching the piriformis more or less indirectly. That's why it takes at least a minute for the piriformis to stop resisting and for the stretch to deepen. Three more pointers:

*If you are really tight in the hips it might me more comfortable to put a blanket or a pillow under the hip attached to the leg that is folded forward.

*If you don't use a blanket, be sure to stay level and to avoid sinking onto the floor.

*Don't forget to energize the upper body and the arms at least somewhat: this is not a nap :)

In a handbag

I struggle yet again to explain something Thai to people abroad. This time it's the protests and clashes, why they are different and why nobody knows what's going to happen, really.

First things first: why are they protesting? Well, let's narrow 'they' down. There are three groups. One: the Democratic party members and followers who have stormed Government House and refuse to leave the lawn because they want the current PM Mr. Samak to leave because he is a vote buying puppet of Mr. Taksin who used to be PM and left for the UK because he didn't want to face the corruption charges in Thailand.

Two: there are the people that would like Mr. Samak to stay in office because he has vowed to help the poor like Mr. Taksin did, mainly by literally giving them cash (and according to the opposition taking it right back out of their pockets because they use the money to buy and use mobile phones on Mr. Taksin AIS network).

Three: a variety of often overlooked people that think neither of the two main groups are going to make a difference and want something else to happen. The reason why all these groups clash is obvious. They don't agree. But what makes these protests the most violent in decades is that this has all been festering for at least three years. But that's not the only thing that makes this time around special.

For the first time in Thai history the government has lost control over the media. Suddenly there are articles like this one in a normally loyal newspaper and what was worse: for an hour or two there was live coverage of heavy clashes between the riot police, protesters, bystanders and the press broadcast to the entire nation. People were outraged. And as a result even in rural Khon Kaen more and more people have started to clearly voice their opinion. Another first.

While everybody was expecting this thing to turn very bloody very fast unless Mr. Samak would step down, nothing like that has really happened (yet). How long cab a stalemate like that last? Suddenly there is even talk of a referendum. But the question is if that could really fix a society that seems to be torn between traditional values and market value. We can only wait and see.

Not again

It takes a little while for news to filter through to rural Isaan. Even in it's bustling capital Khon Kaen. So last night when my neighbor told that they were protesting in Bangkok again I didn't think much of it. Until he pressed me to try to find out what the western media were saying about it. So I looked. This is what I saw.... And no: this is not small potatoes. Especially after the arrest warrants issued for guys orchestrating this protest. This should end well....

Update 29/8: On live TV there is ample footage of the police storming the grounds by brute force. People you talk to on the streets are outraged about this. The media is having a field day showing women and kids getting whacked. Although according to the Bangkok Post it wasn't all that bad...

Meanwhile, on the other side of the coin...

Some of you guys might think I spend my time in dread and go to school feeling all down and stuff because of all that nasty paperwork business. Not true. The most important thing is still great: the kids. Here's proof:

Fancy a headache?

If you are a regular here you know that all the teachers in Thailand have to do a cultural course. And exams. And another course. And more exams. And you have to do those in your own time. And you have to pay for them with your own money. And I refused to do any of that.

One of the reasons why is that the test subject matter and questions are ridiculous. And that's not only because of the bad English. You want a sample: here it is. From a pretest given out at the (FREE!) curriculum workshop that I did go to and that precedes the cultural course. Check it out. And if you figure out the answers be sure to post them in the comments. Good luck. You'll need it.

(click for a larger version)

New lay

Something is different isn't it? No all that white was not there before. Neither was all that orange and yellow. Let's just say it's an indication of some changes to come... *very long dramatic pause*

Course+exams+course=you've got to be kidding me

And another update. The short and not so sweet of it: every foreign teacher's future in Thailand is up in the air. Especially if you have no degree in education and 'just' a TEFL course like me.

The latest can be found here and here and together with the previously posted account of what happens during the cultural course and what goes on at the various farangs in Thailand forums it doesn't paint a particularly rosy picture. For me (BA, work permit/Non B-visa, government primary school) it means this:

*I should first do the infamous cultural course for 3.500 Baht (or since I've refused to sign on for this one, later for +8000 baht in Bangkok) with my own money and in my own time.

*I should pass 4 huge and impossible exams for +1.000 Baht each and pay them again if I fail them even (which is very likely, since the questions I've seen online are either questions about Thai educational law or formulated in a language that only upon close inspection resembles English).

*According to the law as it is I should do all of this before the end of the school year or my visa and therefor my work permit will not be renewed. That's right: only the cultural course does NOT suffice, although at many schools people are being lead to believe differently.

*It is possible (but definitely not certain and not according to the law) that the government will grant last minute temporary licenses (no doubt for at least 500 baht) upon completion of the cultural course which can be used to extend your visa.

*It is possible (but definitely not certain and not according to the law) that the government will grant last minute temporary licenses if you sign on to/pay for the mandatory 1 year universal course in your own free time prior to doing the exams. This enormous course will cost you around 60.000 Baht 144.000 Baht.

This entire route to the coveted teachers license will set me back 8.000 + 4.000 + 500 + s>60.000 Baht 144.000 Baht= approximately 72.000 baht 156.000 baht(say 1.400 euros 3.100 eruos and I could get a real 1 year master's degree for that back home). Mind you, that is without taking into account the fact that I can not work on the side or spend my own time in other ways as I see fit. And it doesn't take into account that you might have to sit those exams again.

I can hear you thinking: what if you just pass those exams in one go. Alright. Let's assume that it's possible. Let's forget about the 95% that failed the exams that were previously held. That route would cost less: 8.000 + 4.000= 12.000 Baht (240 euros). Or cheaper still (had I signed up under the pressure of the Thai teachers): 3.500 + 4.000= 7.500 Baht (150 euros).

But I would still have to pay by myself and lose massive amounts of time doing nonsense. And although I usually do good at exams I'm not so sure I will be able to recall article 56 subsection D of the National Education Act without ever seeing it. Or the answer to any other question geared to making me fail and making me pay for the 60.000 144.000 Baht course for that matter.

Even if the school I work for would be so kind to pick up the tab (snowball's chance in hell), like some private schools have started to do, I would still either lose either tons of secondary income or the basic quality of life I came here for in the first place.

Worst of all: I don't feel like waiting around to see what happens and I simply can't afford to. It won't take long for most farang teachers to realize the same thing. We basically have until March and even that's a stretch...

Thai teachers' license and cultural course: bpai mai dai

I've reported before about the new law/scheme in Thailand where teachers are obligated to a whole string of courses/workshops/exams and maybe even a master's degree. Things looked a little better then.

It is clear to me now that someone at the Ministry of Education is so completely out of touch with reality that they might actually go through with this. My school has silently put everybody on the list for the first cultural course. I imagine the same is happening all across Thailand.

I've also tried to convince everybody to put it off and especially not to pay for it themselves before. That goes double for now. This is the time to just say no. No money! No: not even one exam or the first cultural course. Not one Baht! You're not going. It opens the door to more exams and courses and will probably leave you ten to twenty thousand baht in the hole at least.

Not to mention your personal time spent, the fact that this is all worth nothing anywhere else in the world, that it will not get you a pay raise, that it does not include a teachers' license (that's separate) and that it will in no way enrich your knowledge of Thai culture or your teaching skills. Don't believe me? Read this.

Guess where I'll be when they insist on this scheme...That's right: I'll be on that very first plane full of teachers out of here. Can the last teacher please turn off the lights? Thank you.

No ox no self no beef no book

For the record: I have no beef with Ajarn Brahm or his book Mindfulness, Bliss and Beyond. Just in case you're wondering. No really. I read the book with relish. It's well written. It's very practical. But most of all it finally demystifies the higher states of meditation (or janas as Ajarn Brahm and the other Theravada Buddhists call them). In fact: it demystifies meditation as a whole a little more and I'll always give major kudos for that.



The first couple of chapters are particularly useful. Brahm gives us restless and stressed out people from the western tv/computer/cellphone-generation valuable preliminary exercises that most meditation books skip. Finally someone who realises that there's quite a discrepancy between us here now and those guys and galls way back when a couple of thousand years ago.

What? No criticism? Hold your horses. Because Brahm could maybe have been a little more thorough in explaining common beginners mistakes in posture, breathing and so on. And in a book titled Mindfulness Bliss and Beyond it might be considered to be a little weird to take jabs at everything that is is not Theravada. But can you blame the man for being human?

The only thing (hence my remark in my previous post) is that by describing the janas in detail the reader automatically creates a mental picture of them. And automatically you start striving for them. No matter how many times Brahm stresses that it's just an account personal experiences meant to give you an idea of where you're at and you shouldn't cling to the description the stages or advancement in general: you will, unless been in the janas already ofcourse.

That's why I would only recommend the first part of the book. The second part about the janas you can read after thirty years or so. Or better yet, you can read Food For the Heart about/by Ajarn Chah: less practical and a little more mystical but none the less crystal clear, funny and a gem of a book. No wonder. After all: Ajarn Chah was Ajarn Brahms teacher.

To be fair: Ajarn Chah would probably disagree with me. He would say to forget about reading part one now and part two later. Forget reading that book of transcribed talks by him as well. Forget about reading these lines for that matter. Too much reading never got anyone anywhere. He'd say: just do it! (And he said so way before Nike by the way). Just do it and sit down and be in the present moment and you can do no wrong.

Anybody lose an ox?

Zen Master Kakuan says hi. He's the guy who solved a big old meditation problem back in the 12th century or so. Ever wonder how far you have gone? How much further it is? You're not alone. All part of the journey. But as soon as you're taking stages of meditation you're talking beginning and end. You're talking goals and the desire to reach them. Which is exactly how you don't get there.

That's why most teachers don't say much about the 'higher/deeper stages' of meditation. Some others see the value of at least explaining the way to the 'springboard states'. Some go further (like Ajarn Brahm in his book about the janas as Theravada Buddhists call the deeper stages) and explain it all as well as they can from a personal point of view.

That comes with a price (don't say I didn't warn you). Now you aren't only going full throttle for your goal; you have an image and an expectation of that goal that you might find working against you. If only there was a road map clear enough to get you on your way, but also vague enough to keep you from chasing a mirage. Well: there is. Enter the Ten Ox-hearding Pictures by Zen Master Kakuan where the quest for mastering the mind is told through the search of a boy for his ox in ten pictures accompanied by verse and (update) commentary.



The boy is you and the ox is your true self. And as you meditate like no body's business day in and out you will slowly progress through all the stages. From meditating in frustration and restlessness, to getting a grip on your mind, to taming your mind, letting go of everything and then coming back to the beginning to do it all again from a new perspective until you can walk freely amongst the people in the village without a care in the world.



Anyway, for your downloading pleasure (just click the images): the Ten Ox-hearding Pictures by Zen Master Kakuan in a higher quality than you can usually find them on the web (They'll look lovely framed). I've even gone as far as to redo the verses a bit to make them less old fashioned and more resonant poetically. Audacious I know. But they are just words. Relax. And more importantly: enjoy!

Update 30/06/08: added the comments to the verses and the pictures. Zen is like the internet: just no good without comments...

Dress to impress

Every now and then I've tried to explain it to people outside of Thailand: the dress code. Huh? You guys have a dress code? Yes. Gotta wear a tie? Sometimes and we wear yellow on Monday. Huh? We wear yellow on Monday. Why? For the king. The king came to your school? No.... I'll try to explain the elaborate ever changing rules one last time.

My school is probably one of the more traditional government schools in Thailand. So we have a stricter dresscode. But just like everywhere in Thailand (also in shops and offices) we wear yellow on Monday in honor of the king. A yellow polo shirt that is. With a specific crest.

It all started with the old crest in honor of the king's 60 years on the throne. That was worn on a yellow polo on Monday and Tuesday and by some the entire week. Then came the new crest for the king's 80th birthday. But you can still wear the old logo. Although on Monday it is preferred if you wear the new one. All this is still on a yellow shirt. You still with me?



Of course you can not not honor the queen. So that's why we wore blue for her on Wednesday. With or without a crest. On Thursday we do not honor the rainbow or something. It just means that we can wear any color (with a tie, don't forget the tie in a matching color). The Thai teachers (and students) wear their boy scout and girl scout uniforms that day. (Yes: we dogged a bullit).

Friday we wear yellow again. Not for the king. For the province. On Friday everbody in Thailand wears a design or color from their area. In Phuket Friday is batik shirt day and in Khon Kaen you are actually supposed to wear a yellow dinosaur shirt. But plain yellow's good too. Even a yellow polo with the old 60 year crest. Got that?

Unfortunately there's more. Since the death of Vadhana (in December 2007) we all had to wear black and white. Initially for a couple of weeks but it got extended to 100 days and as you can see we can still 'choose' to wear black and white every Tuesday and Wednesday. To complicate matters it seems that any dark color is okay too and on Wednesday I've already seen some dare devils go back to blue.

I can not begin to explain how important this dress code thing is to (most of ) the Thai. Outside the schools the king's shirts are still worn by all. And you should see what happens on special holidays where Thai style dress is the norm (yes: I do have an Isaan style jacket, no: I have no pictures....yet).

And then there's the pink shirt... Pay attention, it's been right there in the graph all along! The pink shirt is actually more a fad that got started when the king had to go to hospital (end of 2007). It looked touch and go for a while but he came out in good health and spirits and wore a pink jacket. Thai people have since then started to wear pink shirts with crests to keep wishing the king good health. Of course you couldn't do that on Monday (are you nuts?). But on Tuesday it's cool. That's to say it used to be cool because we still have to wear black for now.

We foreign teachers have so far tried to make Thursday into swimsuit-, polka dot-, neon-, birthday suit- floppy shoe and monkey tie day. Neither of those stuck. I'm open to suggestions :)

Fresh blood

Mmm: Fresh blood doesn't do these cute kids justice. How about 'New meat'? Kidding kidding . It should be titled something like 'Thailand's hope for the future' of course. They are Khon Kaen's best and brightest. Let's see if I can get them to be even brighter and... speaking English.

That was good!

Hi and welcome back. No I don't post stuff when I'm on holiday to the deep south of Thailand. Strict policy. But here are some pictures. You'll understand why :)

Teachers' license update

Like I've said before: I ain't paying or doing anything for the new teachers' license. So far the wait-them-out-strategy has payed off perfectly. By now everybody is in silent agreement that the school should pay for all those courses if they are held at all. Better yet: my (government) school has obtained a piece of paper allowing me to teach while I get my new licence. That in turn got me an extended visa and work permit for another year. So as far as I'm concerned that's it. Done. What happens after that, happens after that :)

Calling all athletes: go to China!

I have thought about it: why not boycott the 2008 summer Olympics and show China we're fed up with their government executing and torturing more people than any country in the world. Or because they're destroying the environment at an unbelievable rate, the fact that the Chinese have no free press, half the Internet is inaccessible, or beacuse of all that lead paint on toys and stuff. But the Olympics are a sports event people. So there you go. Sports. Not politics.

We have talked about it. Boycotting the Olympics. Especially here in Thailand after monks, journalists and unarmed civilians got shot, detained and disappeared in Burma. A despicable regime backed up in force by the Chinese rulers because of the oil and jade trade. But truth be told: athletes have been training to go for gold since long before they knew where the 2008 Olympics would be held. If an athlete decides not to go he or she will not only throw away years of training; someone else will go and win the gold medal that could have been theirs. What good could possibly come form that?

China & Tibet

Now everybody is again chanting: boycott the Olympics! This time it's because of Tibet. A repressed region annexed in 1959 (!) by the Peoples Republic of China that immediately began systematic eradication of every bit of its original culture. Temple by temple, door to door, song by song, word for word, hope against hope, piece by piece. Just a few days ago a hundred protesters got killed partly because the Chinese government is turning the Tibetan capital Lhasa into a Tibetan Disneyland for huge profits. Or maybe they just a little cross with the army that has occupied their country for -count them- 49 years.

Real sportsmanship

Now here's why all athletes should definitely go to Beijing: not for politics. But to champion real sportsmanship and fair play. Compete and win your medals before the eyes of the world. Go for gold. We want to see records shattered. Epic matches. Glorious winners. Gracious losers. Men and women being the best they can be. And then when it is time to get on the stage to accept the medal: refuse before the eyes of the world. Don't even show up for the ceremony. Empty platforms. Awkward deafening silences. The only appropriate way to get the Chinese government where it hurts.

Too Thai to handle

Thailand is the land of smiles. Thailand is also the land of repressed emotion, a darker side of this culture you won't see on the news a lot. A darker side that surfaces more in the south, according to Thai people. They're hotheads you see. Thought of as being the most inferior of the Thai people. My two cents: this dark side has more to do with everybody getting more and more out of touch with the old cultural values that held everybody together.

Where were we? Ah yes: repressed emotion Mr. Spock. Which brings us to our story. This scary story. And I must be becoming a bit too Thai. Because some dark part of me actually understands the reaction.

In my neighbourhood there's at least one of these extremely loud karaoke parties for the drunk and the tone deaf every week. Right under your bedroom window if you're unlucky. With John Denver. And they won't turn it down. Asking them is useless. And it will go on. And on. And on. And it will roughly sound like this: Thay-me hoooooo cuntly looooooooow to a plaaaay wheh I belooooooh!

See what I mean?

Pretzel logic

Sunday, August 26, 2007 I told you that I had started doing Yoga. Then I posted some yoga fun with a ball then: nothing. Or so it seemed. Because I've been working out regularly ever since. I been diving head first into Light on Yoga, Yoga: Moving into Stillness en other yoga classics. Great stuff, but no: I'm not able to tiptoe on my own head yet or something.

Reason being: I'm apparently very stiff and I'm taking it slow. Screw all those competitive yoga Nazis. So you might have to wait for for ever to see any pictures of me in leotards touching my nose with my right foot over my left shoulder. A good thing, trust me.

So after months of hard work: where's the progress? Well, according to Light on Yoga (aka the yoga bible) I'm still in week 0 of the beginner routine. There are many weeks and I'm still stretching my ham and other strings to do all the poses in the week one routine fully. Told you: I'm stiff.

That being said: I'm already feeling the benefits of my body becoming more symmetrical and aligned with itself. And that's what I've really set as a goal for myself. That my body is supposed be able to do the 'normal' things. Like when you sit down and you put your foot on your knee: you're supposed to be able to do that comfortably on either side.

Also you're supposed to be able to bend forward and touch the floor with your hands. Forget all that pretzel stuff. Normal things. That to me is the beauty of yoga (but maybe that's just because I'm a beginner :) One of my favs is this pose, the so called warrior pose:

It looks easy. And it should be. Nothing weird. But if you are stiff like me: watch out. You'll get a stretch you won't believe. Try it for 30 seconds. Don't do it like they do in 70 to 80 percent of all the gyms in the world; really stretch out and energize the shape. Straight angles. Breathe through it. Follow the arrows and push out. Enjoy. Detailed instructions: right here.

The new Thai teachers' license

Teaching in Thailand means paperwork. And as of januari 2008 it is not only your degree which ties in with your contract which ties in with your non immigrant B visa which ties in with your work permit in various ways depending on the province you live in, what kind of school you work in and how lucky you are in the gouvernment officials you meet.

The new part of the equasion is the teachers' license and a new set of rules surrounding that piece of paper. For horror stories, panic and angry discussions you can head for the forums here and here.

Or you can save yourself a lot of heartache and just wait. Do nothing. And especially: don't give anybody any money. This is good advice folks. You could worry about the 'cultural course' you need to take. The fact that you might not have worked in Thailand for a year yet (which you need to have done to take the course). The four exams. The masters university course that takes about a year. The exam that goes with that. And the money it will all cost you. But the fact of the matter is that at this time the whole thing is up in the air.

The Ministry of Education plus the Teachers' Council are bending over backwards trying to figure out this mess before all the teachers leave. (Or so I am told by someone Thai who knows some one who is related to someone who is someone in the MOE). Other fact is that there is a big wack of money to be made and teachers are already being pushed in taking and paying for courses sarting in the first week of April.

Yes: they are trying to up the ante as to get rid of the beer money teachers. So if you if you got your degree at the University of Ko San Road, you are probably in big trouble or you'll be teaching at home only. But if your papers are legit you have no reason to start packing yet. Also there is (in my humble opinion) no reason to start taking any of the courses and paying big money, because it is very likely that within the time you get to jump through these hoops (anywhere between one and three years), the rules will be changed to accommodate everybody again. You can get all the other paper work done with a receipt that shows you have registered as to later definitely take this course somewhere maybe never.

I have been lucky enough to have seen seen how the course is layed out and I've also seen the the curriculum. It's contents is completely pointless, the exams preceed the course and it can't hold a candle to any TEFL course. Can you spell E-X-E-M-P-T-I-O-N? Furhtermore the whole Masters degree in Education thing is going to be axed because it's too much, too expensive and nobody wants a Thai Masters degree anyway. And if you already have one you are probably in Japan making the big Yen. So everybody sit thight and don't pay. You guys who've paid already: don't pay any more. Deal?!

Let's wait for them to come up with a realistic and reasonable reform that is in touch with the problems present in Thai schools today. And if they don't we'll just leave after a year :)

A broken word: why Holland has changed

Update 25/2: Do Dutch politicians read my blog now? Here's one that has just claimed 'it might be time to do away with allochtonous'. Too bad he manages to say it in a very uninspiring way. People on blogs are now talking about what to replace the term with. Helloooo! It needs to be scraped!

----The original post:

Sometimes I have to try to explain that Holland has changed. It starts when whoever I'm talking to says things like:' You are lucky. People in your country are really tollerant/free/open minded.'

A simple 'It's different now' usually won't do. And I find myself struggling to explain just how things have changed. 'It has to do with allochtonous and autochtonous citizens, you see...' And usually they don't. Because in English those (Greek based) words are only used in their original (and rare) scientific context. In the field of bacteriology for instance. Or demographics, which is where it came from in the Netherlands. Autochtonous people are from a certain region of a country. They have probably migrated there at one time or another, but they belong to families that have stayed in that region for generations.

Allochtonous ('allochtonen' in Dutch) people are the newcomers in such a region. Simpel as that. No problem. It probably generated some fascinating statistics used in urban planning during the 70's and that was it. Until the word 'allochtonous' popped up in the media and got all confused with the words 'immigrant' and 'illegal immigrant'. By now (ten or fifteen years later) 'allochtonous' basically means 'foreigner/stranger/colored person that doesn't belong here and causes trouble.' And it sounds completely politically correct. So much better than 'Gook' or 'Black' or especially 'Arab'.

For some reason almost everybody in Holland forgot that, when it comes to people crossing your borders, these are the only categories that exist:

1) Tourists: they come, get stoned and drunk, look at the windmills and the red light district, write a postcard and go home.

2) Expats: they come into the country at keep their foreign nationality and legally do work we won't or can't do (as well).

3) Immigrants: these guys and galls come in search of a better future for some reason or another and apply for and then (here's the kicker) become Dutch nationals. Get it? They are now Dutch where ever they came from. Even if some of them do keep their old passports. Remember that.

4) Illegal imigrants: they come in the country under the radar without being granted asylum or jobs and try to scrape by without getting caught until they are and get thrown out the country.

5) Asylum seekers: the grueling in-between-status you have while you wait for your new nationality or for your journey back to where you came from.

Of course there are also Dutch nationals becoming expats or even emigrants, but these are less relevant here. So there you have it: 'allochtonous' is not even an option. And even if it was: in one or two generation they are supposed to be autochtonous any way. Of course the problem is that the Dutch have not fostered or demanded any of the new Dutch to adapt to Dutch society in any way. And when that got out of hand we failed to reach out and include those people, like say...the city of New York. You are a New Yorker even before you get citizenship. Bad English and all. In Holland you get excluded and branded 'allochtonous citizen'.

What is more: it has given rise to a whole bunch of ignorance based xenophobic ideas and tendencies. On both sides. Because what will you feel like with your new Dutch passport if you are not welcome? Dutch? Of course not. You are going to feel more Turkish/Morocan/Somalian/ whatever. That's what you know and probably miss. This effect will take at least decades to wear off, especially if no one can fix this word so that it means what it should mean again. Or just scrap it. Fine by me.

Anyway: next time I can tell whoever I'm talking to, to just read my blog. Part of this expat farang (ironically the Thai version of allochtonous) actually hopes that he or she will still not understand...

There is such a thing!

Yesterday we wanted beef noodle soup for lunch. Of course we drove to the best beef noodle shop in Khon Kaen. It's the best because of good ingredients, the fine taste, the snappy service, but also because it comes with a great story.

This family place got started because the man of the house left his wife and went to live with his mistress. The woman was left with the kids, the (very nice) house, but no money. So she decided to start making beef noodle soup and sold it from her front porch to whoever passed by in the little Soi the house stood in. The soup was so good that before long she needed to convert the garden and front porch of her house to a seating area. That is still the area you get served your soup in today. By now however, the husband has returned to his wife and they and their costumers live happily ever after.

When we arrived at the house yesterday though, something seemed weird. The lay out was different some how. The porch was full of people as usual, but they were very surprised to see us walk in for some reason . I checked my fly. It was closed. And the menu/pricelist on the wall confirmed that this was indeed the right place. But we were soon met by an official looking lady who wondered what we wanted. Well: beef noodle soup of course. Laughter all around. The lady told us that today there was no beef noodle soup because they had just had a merit making ceremony. I looked around. The monks had already left but I could see the elevated mats they sat on and the bowls of food that they were offered.

We must have looked really disappointed, because half a second later we were sheparded to a table and another split second later that table was full of food. Not just any food: the good stuff. Thick massaman curry, seafood cooked inside a coconut, Thai sour and spicy salad...you name it. 'Special menu today.' We ate and ate and ate and then asked for the bill, knowing that there full well that there wouldn't be one, but resigned to at least make a contribution or donation to what ever this merit making ceremony was for. Our friendly host and her grandmother (who had cooked most of the food) wouldn't hear of it. 'Never mind: we have just made some free extra merit'.

So there you go and there you have it. Western thought/philosophy update your textbooks or throw them out: there IS such a thing as a free lunch. Confirmed, noted and filed under realities shattered.

Off topic: there is also such a thing as free picture viewing on facebook. No signing in. Just looking and clicking and saying ooooh and wooow and awwwwww. Here are my new photo albums:

Snapshots: http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=40407&l=e7e81&id=626245873

Testing out my new camera: http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=37584&l=77d74&id=626245873

Oldies but goodies: http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=39911&l=7f278&id=626245873

My kids: http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=39536&l=0246c&id=626245873

Djeez: more Bamboo?!

Irony: a lot of you are asking breathing advice from a guy who's recovering from a bout of acute bronchitis (I'll be fine, no worries). Bamboo breathing is apparently just as illusive as any form of meditation. But help is on the way. I -being a just as much a restless westerner as anybody- have found a way to make bamboo breathing even easier for restless westerners.

In Zen training (get that book you guys) Katsuki Sekida, takes the reader through a bunch of phases in order to accomplish this bamboo breathing. All I have done: put those phases in a sequence. And what do you know: they enforce one and other. So here's how I do it:

1) I sit down in the proper way: quiet, straight, centered.

2) I start my Bamboo sequence. The big breath out and in followed by four normal breath cycles. One thing is different though: I breathe out trough my just slightly opened mouth (but in trough the nose). This promotes the tension you want in your abdomen. It makes you stronger. I do this about three five-breath-cycles. And I count every out breath and in breath: out>one, in>one, out, two, in>two etc.



3) I continue the Bamboo sequence. But instead I breathe in and out through the nose, like everybody says you should. Meanwhile I'm still counting my breath. the same way. This promotes purely the mental focus you need. I do this about three cycles as well. Or as long as I need to get in the right frame of mind. You'll know when that is.

4) Still Bamboo breathing, but now I no longer count anything, although I some how 'keep track' of the Bamboo cycle though. But it flows it's natural course. And mentally I concentrate on a word, syncing it with my breath. This can be any word or mantra or even a Koan if you're up to that. I have picked 'Mu' (the Chinese word for nothingness) just out of convenience and I guess out of some weird sense of tradition :) Repeat the word over and over silently or voiced like pushing at a door that is stuck a little. That will also build the right kind of tension in your abdomen. You do this stage for as long as you want or can.

In that last stage is where you might feel like you are 'clad in heavy armor' as the Zen poets describe it. An 'off sensation' which is hard to put into words. You are looking through your own eyes, but it feels like you are looking out of a window. This is the start of deep concentration. What happens next is impossible to put into words. For me especially, since I haven't really gone far beyond that. When I know more, so will you :)

Vote Oboema!

Can you believe that somewhere in the 90's there was a character called Oboema (pronounced: Obooma) the white negro on a Dutch comedy show called Jiskefet? Well it's true. What are the odds! So this poster's for all you Dutchies. And here's a link to some clips. Go practice your Dutch. Go on.

Don't you eat over there?

Some people have been wondering why I haven't mentioned food for a long long time. These are the people who know I would take snapshots of my meals on every holiday. So where are those shots now?

Good question. First of all I am not on holiday. But most of all I just figured you guys know about Tom Yam Goong and the Thai curries already. Not to mention the good old chicken and cashew nuts. Here's something you might not know though. Kai en Noi (my neighbours) knock on the door and give this to us every once in a while, because they know we like it so much.






And when you open it up it looks even better:





This is a Thai delicacy called 'kanom kao niao daeng' aka sweet red sticky rice and you won't be able to get this anywhere outside of Thailand, unless you are really lucky. The name is almost the recipe: it's red sticky rice in lots of syrup and covered in white sesame seeds. It is really good. Next time when you are near a Thai night market, ask around. You can thank me later.