Off to a good start

We're doing mojitoes and cheese here in Khon Kaen. Too bad I can't give you a mojito. But here's some cheese :)



A happy 2008!

Now what?! (8)

Last post of 2007. Part of the most popular post-series on my blog: Now what?! That's gotta be because of the insane prizes we give away every time. And all you have to do is get your hands on the buzzer and -quiet in the audience please- be the first to tell us what brand this is....





Piece of cake. Ish. Get it? And the he answer is.... In the comments! (But you knew that, right?)

The day after the night before

Well: it seems the PPP (and therefor Thaksin's former party members) have won the elections. What's next? It will be interesting. Who will rule with whom in the coalition government? Will the bigger-than-ever-democrates join their archenemy? Will the military really let this slide? Will Thaksin indeed come back on Valentines day and will he still need to face corruption charges? I don't know. I do know that the poor people of Thailand have clearly voiced what they want and who they want. Forget coups and what some rich people in Bangkok had planned. That's democracy.

But you've got to wonder if the poor have made a clever, well informed choice here. Because the media do play a role and so does public opinion. But the average Thai does not get is info online, on TV, or in the paper. Information like that is just not out there they way it is in western countries. And if it were (see my post yesterday)it might not make a difference. Candidates rely on being known in an area, on word of mouth and... on this way of putting their message across believe it or not (roll tape):

Election fever!

More than a year after Thailand got rid of PM Thaksin by military coup, it's time for elections. Exciting. And also weird because it is the democratic process as we know it in the west, but with a Thai twist of course.

It is said some people just vote what their boss tells them to. It is said entire villages simply get bought to vote for a particular candidate. It is said that mobsters are making more money than ever because all of the people other people want bumped off. Colorful to say the least. But that's not what makes this interesting for me. It's the parties and the fact that they don't seem matter all that much. Here they are:

Democrat party
Chart Thai party
Matchima Thipataya party
People Power party
Pracharaj party
Puea Paendin party
Ruam Jai Thai Chart Pattana party

Long story short: the first two are major parties of their own. The rest is all either made up of Thaksin's former Thai Rak Thai-party-members or small potatoes. And the People Power Party even has Thaksin in the wings as an advisor.

That's not why the parties don't matter much however. It's that Thai people don't really seem to care about party policies. They favor somebody local they know in some way, that will hopefully make a difference for them. 'I know his second sister's daughter's son-in-law, they're good honest people.' That type of deal.

Who's winning: check it out here (if they don't take it away like last time)

Bamboo breathing

Lately I've been reading up on zazen, which is the zen Buddhists' way of meditating. That's how I came across the book Zen Training by Kastsuki Sekida. Order it. A very interesting book, especially if you're like me and dislike all the vagueness that surrounds meditation. And it is especially interesting because it describes a way of breathing I'd never come across before: the bamboo method.

Not so long ago I would have said:'No forcing the breath in any way.' But since Mr. Sekida vividly described a relationship between mental focus and keeping tension in the diaphragm I decided to give it a go. With amazing results. To fully explain it in detail would take too much space and time (go on: just order the book), but I will say a couple of things about it so you can try it out:

1) The graph below (click to enlarge) represents two bamboo breathing cycles; the volume of air in the lungs and the time.



Normally our breathing goes up (in) and down (out) roughly between the red and the green line. But as you can see our line starts of by sinking below the red line. We exhale deeply, pulling the abdomen in against the spine, stopping a little now and then (like the thicker parts on a piece of bamboo). And then we breathe in slowly (with stopping). After that we have a series of normal breaths, followed again by that deep exhalation.

The stopping (which occurs more or less naturally in normal breathing as you can see) and the deep exhalation is what keeps the tension in your abdomen and heightens your concentration and therefore the depth of your meditation.

2) There is only abdominal breathing.

That means you do not breathe with your chest (gasping), which would make you go over the green line. Your belly should rise and fall. Everything else should remain as still as possible.

3) Use light force only.

This graph is NOT designed to be followed to the second and millilitre. When you stop and put tension on your diaphragm exactly and how deep you exhale in relation to your inhalation depends on many things, in fact: on you. No stress. You will find that this pattern of breathing will come quite naturally after a while.

Nohohonzoku Swings

Nohohonzoku by Tomy.

Music by Ben Herman from the killer album Get In.

Editing by moonlight because I've got way too much time ...

In other news...

Part of traveling to the Burmese border is meeting people and eating their food. It's also seeing Burmese TV. Since I don't travel with a DVD-recorder or a VCR in my pack I had to make due with my good old digital camera. So here's a segment of a fair and balanced Burmese news cast. It went on and on like this. And yes, unfortunately this guy is for real....



Edit, 12/12: He's probably saying how good the crops are this year and the people have plenty to eat thanks to the state and its leader and all is well, sleep tight, don't let the police dogs bite, if you're wondering...

Return from Sangkhlaburi

Sometimes you have to get away. Not to the umpteenth beach resort, something new, fresh, without Seven Elevens and hamburgers. Sangkhlaburi is such a place. And I almost dread writing about it, because it's so nice and peaceful now. A small hill resort scene has sprung up already. So keep this one quiet, O.K.? You should visit for the sheer beauty of the hills, the drive there, the cool air, the treks and of course because you'll feel like you're not in Thailand. Most people are at least half Burmese, or Mon, or Karen. And so is the food and the atmosphere. That is of course because you are almost in Burma (map).

Here's a shot of Sangkhlaburi's Famous Longest Wooden Bridge in Thailand:

Some locals kidding around and smoking cheroots at the market:

And finally this lovely painted face:

And you think you've seen it all...

They played for the king. And then yesterday they played in Khon Kaen. Quite the occasion. A jazz band way out in Khon Kaen. A New Orleans Jazz band for that matter. For free. One that played at Carnegie Hall. One with a banjo and this guy with a huge afro on sousaphone. For most people in Khon Kaen that is the embodiment of culture shock. But it went down well.

And yes I said banjo. I know. But this was no dixieland. No white guys with weird straw hats, suspenders and bow ties. This was prime marching band -style funky old school jazz with a lot of heart and root and 100% authenticity. It got the (Thai!) crowd jumping on their chairs and I could have sworn I saw some even shake their thang.

My personal fav: an improvised rendition of Parliament Funkadelic's Tear the Roof of This Sucker that popped up amongst a fun mix of traditionals, spirituals, warped standards and swaggering blues tunes. And although Khon Kaen couldn't help but clap on the 'one' instead of the swinging 'and', I'd say the French Quarter was at Khon Kaen University last night.

Want a taste? Here you go!

Morlam camp

Just got back from English camp. In Thailand that does not mean a whole lot of learning English. The emphasis is on fun. Which is way a hall filled with about 140 six-to-nine-year-olds soon turned into a frenzy when the hired (Thai) teacher decided to sing a little morlam and I decided I could play a little drums.

Morlam? Music from North East Thailand/Laos that is. In this case of the fast paaaaarty variety. Because any description would fall short (and also because I couldn't film and play drums at the same time): here's some You Tube Morlam to give you an idea. Imagine 140 kids belting the fast part out and the whole place turning in to a mosh pit that would give Slayer fans a bit of a scare. Got the image? Click play. And yeah: it's karaoke. Don't forget to sing along :)

There and back again

Here at Here In The Now we are definitely back here right now, but here's a little movie from when we were back there on Ko Chaang having big fun in the then and stuff :)

Holiday!

Airblade II: the revenge

Just another day, another ride to school: no fellow motorists or pedestrians were harmed during the making of this production...

Now what?! (7)

Don't try to adjust your monitors. There is no mistake. No smoke, no mirrors. This is just the next instalment of the show where you guess the product and walk away with a disgustingly decadent amount of prizes!

So do you see it yet? Now come on: this one's easy! Now what is the name of that fresh maker... it's... it's... in the comments of course!

Plus and minus

So what is true about all the stuff you hear about teaching in Thailand? Is it really that good? Is it that bad? Probably not. Here's a pro and con list: you decide.

Pro

+ Teaching can be very sabaai sabaai (Thai for: easy going)

+ The kids and most people you work with are very endearing

+ You'll get a unique perspective of Thai culture

+ No worries about cold winters: the sun will shine!

+ Good food always, everywhere

+ The cost of living (especially in Isaan) is very cheap

+ You are giving people a (huge) opportunity

Con

- Disciplining can be a problem for some teachers

- The range in a classroom is a challenge: from clever to slightly autistic

- Expectations of parents and the school can be very unrealistic

- Sometimes everything else seems more important than learning

- Thai culture can be puzzling and sometimes frustrating

- Saving money and good health insurance can be a problem

A lot of these points depend greatly on one thing: the way YOU look at it. In my school teachers have left crying in the middle of their 1st lesson, never to be seen again. Other teachers have been coasting along for years.

Travel Picture Yard Sale

New York, 2003 around 2 AM. The Fat Cat (jazz club and pool hall) is swinging. Beer is sold outside the jazz club section in bottles. Tonight the bass is tight, the drums rock, the piano is on the money and the sax is stellar. But then again this is New York. The bum in the corner probably plays sax. And of course he's stellar too.

For the life of me I couldn't think of this quartet's name. J.J. Wes and the East Side Swing Cats. Montgomery Flash and the Blue Saints. Red's All Star Swing Revue. Who cares. They don't. Sax guy quickly mumbles the introduction into the mic and then Drums guy counts four so they can do what they came here to do: play.

The Mars logo: a reconstruction

Those who know me well, know that I can get very passionate about the Mars logo. And furious when it comes to the new logo that is now found in Europe to appeal more to females. The old logo was considered too tough. Poppycock! A smoke screen. What really happened was this (the names have been obscured for legal reasons)...

June 6th 2001: The executive in charge of brand awareness C. B. goes on a long well deserved extended holiday to the island of J. For reasons unknown he leaves his cell phone in his bottom drawer.

June 8th 2001: The copy writer F. S. and art director S. R. for Mars at D&B&C&V have a slumber party. Account secretary P. R. mentions the absence of C. B.; at this time we still have the good old logo (A).

June 9th 2001: In the wee hours of the morning F. ponders 'that it would be a hoot' if they would 'refunkifize' the Mars logo. Adobe Illustrator gets started up and a wicked twist of fate P. gets her hands on S's pen, selects the warp tool and creates (B) and saves it.

June 16th 2001: S. sees a strange file on his desktop, opens it, laughs (according to several witnesses) and for the hell of it creates (C). F. walks by and convinces S. that this could totally put them and D&B&C&V on the map.

June 18th 2001: S. has a creative breakthrough and utilises the pucker tool to create (D).

June 25th 2001: (D) gets presented to the Mars team headed by vice executive C. L. who normally works in pet food and (according to several sources at R&D )had had a couple too many the night before at club Z.

June 26th 2001: C. calls F. and S. at D&B&C&V and asks them to 'tweak the concept'. The result being (E).

July 26th 2001: Logo (E) gets a big hand at a meeting at Mars for some reason and gets tweaked and funkifies even more to produce (F). By the time C. got back from J. and gets on the phone with F. and S. at D&B&C&V the new logo has already hit the shelves... Chocolate would never be the same.

Note: I am happy to report that Thailand has remained untouched by this flawed design folley so far.

Now what?! (6)

And if you've just joined us: it's time to guess that brand again. If you know what Western brand is in this Thai bottle than hit your buzzer!

It could be anything from a drink to a creamy sauce or a personal lubricant. But is it? If you are right you take home everything behind door number one.

And the answer is as always... in...the...comments!

[Insert jingle here]

With the end of term exams out of the way I can afford to spend a little time on what I think are the best albums ever. Forget the winamp randomizer. That only does mere tracks anyway. And there's always room for an extra list on the web. So here goes... One album per artist only (argh) and none of those three-and-a-half-nice-tracks-jobs either. Thirty real killer albums!

30) Talking Book, Stevie Wonder
29) L.D. 50, Mudvayne
28) Live at the Marquee, Dream Theatre
27) Live and in Living Color, Tower of Power
26) Countdown to Extinction, Megadeth
25) Ten Summoner's Tales, Sting
24) Alive in L.A. , Lee Ritenour
23) Adam's Apple, Wayne Shorter
22) Coltrane Jazz, John Coltrane
21) Anniversary, Stan Getz
20) Mood swing, Joshua Redman
19) Synergy, Dave Weckl Band
18) Three Sides Live, Genesis
17) Jagged Little Pill, Alanis Morisette
16) Starfish and the Moon, Bill Evans
15) A Go Go, John Scofield
14) Far Beyond Driven, Pantera
13) Live at Winterland, Jimmy Hendrix
12) Vine, Chris Cheek
11) Get In, Benjamin Herman
10) Another Standard, Bob Berg
09) The Forbidden Zone, Tom Coster
08) Morph the Cat, Donald Fagen
07) Thick, Tribal Tech
06) Lateralus, Tool
05) Alive in America, Steely Dan
04) Prime Directive, Dave Holland
03) All Blues, Miles Davis
02) Flood, Herbie Hancock

And finally.....[insert drum roll]

01) Perceptual, Brian Blade

Stop the press!

I always read The Bangkok Post and The Nation. Especially the letters people send in and especially the ones written by frustrated teachers. Lately they were frustrated about all the cheating going on and the fact that no one did anything when they went and shot their mouths off, slammed doors and got red faced.

So I decided to weigh in on the matter and wrote an email to the Bangkok Post. It looks like they published it (scroll down). Now all I've got to do is find a copy of the real paper issued today. Or maybe it's in tomorrow's paper. If I find one I'll scan it of course. Text 'postbag on' for hourly updates as this story develops...

Update: there it is, in today's paper (click to enlarge):

Random Schmandom

When I moved to Thailand I knew one thing: I was not gonna leave my CD collection behind. So I put over a thousand CDs on a hard drive. And when I got here I wanted everything to be rated. So I left winamp on 'random' for most of the time and rated and rated. That is two years ago by now. And the result is stunning. This is what my personal Top 30 looks like and it has an unlikely number one (click to enlarge)...

It's Joshua Redman's 'Headin' Home'. From the killer album Mood Swing, granted. And a funky tune at that. But number one... Oh well. The facts don't lie. Of course the randomizer is not all that random. And some tunes have a high play count because I use them as practice material (Dream Theatre!), but still there it is on number one. What can you do? Steely Dan is somehow way down the list. How did that happen? And it's not even 'Peg' or 'Babylon Sisters'. At least some of the tunes from what I consider my favorite albums are there; 'Actual Proof', 'Evenrude Fifty', 'Platina' (the highest Dutch entry) and the best version of 'Stolen moments' ever. But where is Tribal Tech, or Coltrane, or Dave Holland? Behind a Diana Krall X-mas song? I don't dare look. While I do: go play will you? For all you sax heads here's the sheet music for 'Headin' Home'. Enjoy.

Khon Kaen: the basic survival map

Here's a message for all you touristic types: part one of the free downloadable and printable maps of Khon Kaen has arrived. I repeat: part one of the free downloadable and printable maps of Khon Kaen has arrived. Mind the gap. Proceed to luggage terminal 4. Don't get lost!

(Don't forget to click for the larger version: way easier to read).

(And yes, there are more hotels, hospitals and stuff in Khon Kaen: these are the ones I know).

Now what?! (5)

Lights off, spot on. Now let's hope your answer is too. Because it's looking mighty nice isn't it: our preposterously pricey prize package next to our pretty-in-pink-presenter Priscilla. All you have to do is guess that brand. And yes: you should know this one. The answer is.... In the comments.

Yoga with balls: smashing!

Have a computer? I knew it! Bet you have that terrible tense feeling in your shoulders as well. You know that somebody's been pounding me with a mallet feeling and you haven't even been close to your Nintendo.

Well, this is how it goes away: you buy a hard basketball. And a mat if you like. Then you lie down on the basketball. It should be below your ribcage. Your legs should be pulled up. Comfy? Give it time. Now roll down slowly until the ball reaches the base of the neck. Keep your neck straight. Now roll back. You will probably feel your spine adjust as you do this. Mallet-feeling be gone! Like having your own round orange little chiropractor.

Now let's do it one more time. Intensify the stretch by stretching your arms up (interlace the fingers, palms upward). And roll back and forth as long as you like. Keep breathing normally.

This stretch also works for the lower back. Rest on shoulders and arms and feet and put the ball under your lower back.

(Thanks for this stretch David).

Travel Picture Yard Sale

Today's Travel Picture Yardsale Picture takes you to India in 2002. Aurangabad to be exact. The place they have the worlds largest monolithic structure. That's right: a huge mountain of a rock became a temple. Aurangabad also has buses. And that's were I came across this boy. I've always thought he must be going to the dentist or something. But you can make up your own story...

Khon Kaen: getting here

Somebody recently asked my why on earth I never posted any info for travelers about Khon Kaen. Surely as a resident I would know the ins, the outs, the hots and the nots way better than any guidebook out there. True. I have come to know the place very well. And I've decided to share my...erm... vast knowledge of this town. Be careful however: things change and my opinion might not be the general one. Here goes...

First things first. Before you can enjoy this town you have to get here. Most people come to Khon Kaen because it's on the way to Vientiane, Laos. Other routes include Chiang Mai to Ko Chang and or Cambodia (over land) and for the real dare devils the Thailand/ Southern Laos/ Vietnam track.

There are no beaches. No real tourist scene. And to most people that is exactly what is so charming about the place. This is Thailand at it's most Thai and if you want more of that, it's a great gateway to the rest of the North East or as the locals call it: Isaan. Definitely worth your visit. You can get here in three ways if you don't count walking:

1) By plane: there are daily Thai airways flights from Don Muang. A single ticket is about 1500-2000 Baht per person (around 40 euros). Be advised: these flight are pretty packed, so you have to book ahead. Flight time: about 45 minutes.

2) By train: a number of trains pass through Khon Kaen, notably the night train from Bangkok to Nong Kai. It will get you here slowly (9-10 hours) and safely. The train reaches Khon Kaen at around 5. You could have a pretty decent night's sleep (if you bring an eye patch). Second class sleeper will cost around 600 Baht (12 euros). Or have a very nice little first class compartment all to yourself and a significant other for around 1400 Baht (28 euros) per person. Book ahead Hualampong Station in Bangkok (it's the final/first station on the subway), especially near holidays.

3) By bus: there are many buses to Khon Kaen. Some slow, some fast, some safe, some, unsafe. The rule in Thailand is that you go on the gouvernment bus if you can. They are the most safe. But they are also slow at times. Luckily there are a couple of bus companies that have a really good reputation according to the locals and me. The best one for the Bangkok-Khon Kaen route is called Nakorn Chai Air. They drive modern, comfortable, well serviced and staffed buses, have two drivers per trip and they are said to fine their drivers if they arrive early. Travel time is about six hours (and that makes sleeping in the night bus useless). A single ticket goes for about 400 Baht (8 euros) and can be bought the easiest at Ekkamai bus station (AKA the eastern/North Eastern bus station). That's easiest because it's on the Sky train. The bus doesn't leave from there however. It leaves from its own Nakorn Chai Air terminal outside the city and passes Mochit bus station. It's best to take a taxi there. They will know both. On the way back don't get off in Mochit. It's easier to catch a cab at the Nakorn Chai terminal.

Plug

Some of you might have discovered them in the sidebar already: my new two blogs. No, I haven't gone insane. Yes, I still have a life. And no, I actually don't have that much time :)

New blog number 1 is my information-just-wants-to-be-free-way of organizing my teaching materials. Worksheets, games, lessonplans: it will all be posted there from time to time. Check it out on teachthings.blogspot.com

New blog number two is sort of a joke and a fun way for me to collect some nice lines, quotes, soundbites and that kind of stuff. Check it out on writinglines.blogspot.com

Wanted: boat

It's the rainy season. And that means the soi (alley) we live in turns into a klong (canal). Sometimes for hours. Sometimes for days on end. It hasn't really been bad yet. But these images will be a nice comparison with next month's (October is supposed to be the wettest month). Expected water level: at least thirty centimeters higher...

Now what?! (4)

Same rules, new round. You guess what this brand name is and you get the full prize monty! This time it's easy. If you don't know this one ladies and gentlemen, then I'm starting to wonder if you should even be on this show. Look at it carefully. Don't just blurt out stuff you still have three seconds. Two. One. And the right answer is.... In the comments!

Travel Picture Yard Sale

Here's one from the travel archives for your viewing pleasure and/or desktop or something. A nice shot from Ko Chang in 2003. I know most of you guys are slowly getting ready for winter. This picture will either make you warm and happy, or slightly frustrated and really thirsty. Hey hey: I'm hoping for the first to happen of course :)

Meditation made easy (2)

Now that you've had some time experimenting with counting the breath it is time to take it one step further. Being aware of the breath is a great thing. It makes your brain stop thinking all those dispersed thoughts. It gives you focus. And if you do it right you'll feel fantastic.

But it can get more fantastic. Although, if you have done exercise 1 right, there is barely a transition to exercise 2. Because if you are really aware of your breathing, you know that it is a part of your body. (Duh). So this is just a little shift in focus. Making sure you know that you are here now and breathing.

Exercise 2: Being aware of your 'breath body'

* Start by sitting down. Just like in exercise 1. Count your breath. Try to get that focus. Breathe naturally. Relax. The breath comes first. You know the feeling by now. Probably it will take you less time to take hold of your breath and be aware of it. You can finish counting back or not. But don't take the next step until you're ready.

* Remember: it is best to breathe in and out through the nose, unless it is blocked.

* Finish counting. Now stay with your breath but don't count. Be mindful of the air going in and out your body. You can put you hands on your abdomen and feel the rising and falling as you breathe in and out. One goes with the other (and to make sure you take you're time I'll let you discover what goes with what on your own).

* Now be aware of the airflow near your nostrils as you breathe in and out a couple of times.(It kinda tickles). Now follow the air in with your mind and feel that same air that was just at your nostrils go down your windpipe and fill up your lungs. Do that 10 times or so.

* Go deeper. On your next in breath: don't only follow the air into your lungs. Follow it as the oxygen goes into your blood and nourishes every cell of your body. Keep doing that until you are truly aware.

* Go out. Keep following the breath all the way in as you did, but now on every out breath: feel the air leaving your body. Follow the flow outward into the world. Further and further in to the world or even the galaxy. As far as you can. Do this 10 times (or longer if you want).

* Hold it! Like with exercise 1: don't jump up.

This is a great exercise, some people like to do it lying down. What ever way you do it: you might be aware that your breath naturally deepens. That is great, as long as you haven't been striving for it. Feel that? Told you it could get more fantastic!

Now what?! (3)

You know the rules: come on down and guess what this product is! Yes: you can walk away with truckload of prizes. Are you ready? Quiet in the audience please. Your time starts now! You have seen that yellow can before, trust me. Owww: it's easy for me, it's right here on my card. Could it be that anti-mosquito spray? Or is it the Thai version of WD-40? Five seconds. And the answer is... in the comments. (As always).

Where in the now?

I'm still in Khon Kaen (and if that changes you'd be the first to know). Where exactly? Really... You want me to put my adress on the internet? That's just a tad too scary for me. I'd be sure to get all kinds of spam in my mailbox. And it is small as it is. But no worries: here's a little movie I made of my street. See that little shop across the Soi? That's where you can have a dress made. They also handle all appointments. And I'll be sure to open that big gate at the agreed time. (Depending on who you are I might also release the hounds).

The Sock returns!

The who? The what? The Sock! I used work with this funky free sized dude back in Holland. Back then he was quite naughty, angry and -on a good day-ruthless. These days he teaches English. Assisting teacher Tessel on our own school's learning channel. Live and direct straight into every classroom. This way not only the English Program, but the whole school gets exposed to some English regularly. Great. And although The Sock cleaned up his act a little, he still gets pretty crazy. Anyway: here's the dynamic duo in action.

Airblade: the movie

Mmmm: this proves it. My bike needs a good wash. Anyway, for all you folks that wanted to see it: here it is in all its glory. Maybe a good idea for a sequel will be to actually drive it on camera. Might be slightly more exiting. Still: this mean machine rocks and it cost me only around 50.000 Baht (1000 euro's). I still can't believe it.

FYI: the sound you hear at 00:13 is not the engine, but a dog flapping his ears.

Just because we cam

New on blogger: movies. Let's try it out. An oldie from last year. It features Pim and Punch and Aun-Aun and me almost falling over.

Yoga-to be kidding!

Confession time. I've been doing yoga lately. You might have seen the yoga book in the 10-to-get-list. And yes: I do realize that yoga comes with the smell of new age tofu aura reading. I smelt it too. But that's a western thing. In Thailand yoga is not popular at all (too much work) and only done by a bunch of health freaks.

What's more: it turns out not to be anything like I thought it was. There's no back braking. It doesn't hurt. There is no brute force. And you don't have to get somebody to help you untie yourself after you're done.

Now I'm obviously a beginner and not an expert, but it's incredible how many muscles you can stretch just by doing some simple exercises. What helps me is hat it all ties in with meditation and breathing. My back has already become stronger and after the workout I feel great. It's like having your own built in gym! All you need is a mat and the right mindset.

So from now on you'll be reading about my adventures in yoga as well(or should I say my battle with yoga...). Anyway: I really recommend Erich Schiffmann 's book Yoga: moving into stillness. No fashionable nonsense, but very precise info how to do it, step by step by little step. Great. Even for if you're as stiff as a board like me.

Back issue

Under this post are all of this year's posts on arainameanswhat. Just to fill stuff up a bit. Anyway: out with the old, in with the new...

Gadda get it!

I'm a lucky dog. Khon Kaen has a mall. In the mall there's a place called Top DVD (it's on the top floor). They have cam versions of the latest Hollywood movies. And if you wait a couple of weeks you can lay your hands on a 'ma-se-tur'. Master copy that is. What's more: they sell music DVD's on the side. Rare ones. Ones with the old dude in the picture. He's only the best drummer in the known world: Steve Gadd.

Steve features (along with Dave Weckl, Steve Smith and Horacio 'El Negro' Hernandez) on the 25th anniversary DVD put out there by NYC's Drummers collective. Lot's of para diddles, blender strokes and poly-rhythms. But the real cherry on top of this pound cake is bass player Victor Wooten.

Between all the ghost notes, power solo's and parlour tricks he get's on stage alone. Just a four string bass and...a sampler gizmo. He outlines the rhythm, then plays the chords over it and then plays melody and solo's over that. Insane.

Anywho: even if you are not a drummer, check out my favorite Steve Gadd clip from yesteryear: here he is with Dave Weckl,Vinnie Colaiutta and the Buddy Rich Big Band(bonus: all with 1989 hair and suits).

Mindfulness

I have used the word a lot in my post about meditation. Mindfulness. Yeah, sounds great. But nobody knows what I mean exactly. Fair enough. It isn't that cut and clear. And that's because most of us are normally not mindful at all.

The best way I have seen it explained is by its opposite. The opposite of being mindful is being mindless. That means you are without a mind. You are not aware. You don't know what you are doing. In fact that is how a lot of people spend the day: they just go through the motions. Scatterbrained. Forgetful. Awkward. Stressed. We arrive at work and we don't know how we got here.

In the context of counting the breath I use the word to make you focus on your breath. You become mindful of your breath, your body. And that is the way your body and mind become one. That's new age talk for: they are doing the same thing for a change. That's meditation. But mindfulness doesn't stop there. You can be mindful anywhere doing anything.

Being mindful is about concentration. Your focus is on one thing. When you breathe, you know you are breathing. When you walk you know that your feet are touching the world. And if your thoughts stray, don't become annoyed: recognize it and be aware that you're distracted. (If you do become annoyed: fine. There it is. Acknowledge that too. Know it).

Difficult? No. Just try to do it. Do it now, when you're waiting for the elevator, the trafic light or the bus. Breath a couple of mindful breaths. Take a step and really know it. Look at something. A tree. Your hand. A picture. Really look. Breathe. It's fun. You'll feel great. You'll smile. Like magic. You'll not only feel alive. You'll really be alive.

Now what?! (2)

Come on down and win win winnnnnn! You know the rules: all you have to do is guess what the product in this picture is.

Of course it is something with chicken. Although... Would you eat it? It could be chicken brand rat poison. But wait! Look closely at the logo. Doesn't that look kinda familiar? Is it...is it...Yes! The answer is in the comments!

Horde

Jaaaaah daar is ie weer dan want en maar Thailand heeft er voor de eerste keer ever een referendum tegenaan gekwakt. Het officiele resultaat is nog niet binnen, maarrrrr: net iets meer dan de helft (56%) van net iets meer dan de helft van de bevolking (toch nog zo'n 35 miljoen man) schijnt voor te hebben gestemd. De andere helft had blijkbaar iets beters te doen. Maar we zijn dus voor! Dat je het weet.

Waar voor eigenlijk? Goeie vraag. Voor de nieuwe grondwet. Maar daar gaat het natuurlijk allemaal allang niet meer om. Onderzoeksbureau BVB heeft diverse steekproeven gedaan en zo ongeveer niemand heeft het ding gelezen en dus is zo ongeveer niemand bezorgd over artikelen die zo ongeveer garanderen dat het leger vet veel cash krijgt terwijl iets anders als -we noemen maar wat- onderwijs niet zo'n extra cool artikel in de grondwet heeft.

Waar het dan wel om gaat? Waar al die mensen zich hiero dan zo druk om maken? Een stem voor is een stem tegen Thaksin. En voor de coup. En vooral een stem voor dat we nou eens supersnel verkiezingen moeten gaan houden (in december). De kranten roemen alvast massaal dat er weer een horde op het pad der democratie is genomen. Driewerf hoera. Niet makkelijk, zeker als je weet dat het in Thailand buiten de stad de baas is die bepaalt wat alle werknemers gaan stemmen. Nou gaat ie niet mee het hokje in. Maar toch.

Voor de uitegebreide ditjes en datjes en het massale tegenstemmen in mijn regio (Noord Oost) moet je hiero even klikken. Dit was Brandpunt goeienavond.

Update: als je daaro op hiero klikt kom je helaas helemaal nergens, want dat was niet de officiele telling. Kan dus niemand meer kijken hoeveel mensen nou precies wat hebben gestemd. Nou niet meteen censuur roepen, dat is gewoon allemaal stom toevallig.

Ramblin'

David (my Aussie colleague) was kind enough to let me rip J.J. Cale on to my hard drive. J.J. Cale! Gold! Two CD's! Why?! Isn't that country?! No. Well: let's just say I've never come more close. I have two songs in my collection that feature a kind of (dare I say the F-word).... fiddle. One by Nora Jones and one by J.J. Cale.

Now don't be frightened: I'm not rushing out to add Earl Scruggs and Lester Flatt (you look 'em up) to my collection just yet. But J.J. was inevitable really. I've been a hardcore-ish Steely Dan fan since before they added trombones to their line-up. They fade in their slide guitar-like sounds with great stealth. But they are there nonetheless.

Then there's Eric Clapton. Used to play some hefty R&B. No stranger to country-ville either. And he made Cale's 'Cocaine' and 'After Midnight' into hits and habits. Also proving beyond reasonable doubt that at the core of Cale's tunes is a bluesy, rootsy boogie. Very contagious. Especially with J.J.'s laid back drooling vocals and immaculate but rambling guitar style.

But no apologies: I am a real country bumpkin now. Yeeeeehaw! According to the Thais I'm as hick as heck. All red earth and BBQ. I live in Khon Kaen, where the pickup trucks roam near the buffalo's home. I guess J.J. is a prefect fit.

[Before some of you music-heads start emailing me: Yes, I do realize Ramblin' On My Mind is by Robert Johnson and not by J.J. Cale and that Eric Clapton played it too. The title is not a reference to that.]

D is for dicipline

I teach. Everybody knows that. But few know how. A question that pops up every now and then is: 'Are you strict?' And the answer is: 'Yes.' That's a shocker for most. Few ask: 'Why?' The answer to that is simple: 'Because I have to.' Thai kids don't learn good behavior at home. They don't know about limits, dealing with anger, defeat, in fact: you name it and they don't know about it. Since I teach grade one, I am the first to guide them. Did I mention there are 35 of them? I am their teacher, their father, their big brother and super role model in every way. Quite a task. And yes: punishment is necessary. But I like to reward. For all you fellow teachers in Asia: this is my method and it works wonders.

1) Have a column on one side of the whiteboard marked 'Good students' (make it nice and colorful, add a cartoon character). On day one, put all the student's names in it.
2) Have a column on the other side of the whiteboard marked 'Naughty students' (no: not 'bad students', they are just misguided remember? :) Of course this side of the board is drab. I use a badly drawn unhappy smiley.
3) Explain what's gonna happen at the first transgression. Praise everybody for being on the good side.
4) Do your lessons. Warn the students when they get out of line. After the third time: erase them from the good side.
5) If the same student talks/plays/hits/forgets their homework/what evers again: put his or her name on the naughty side. Be sure to show your disappointment.
6) If the same student talks/plays/hits/forgets their homework/what evers again: add the number 10 behind the name. That means: write ten lines. Increase with 10 with every transgression. I use a tracing sheet with: 'I am sorry Teacher Boris'.
7) When you hit 50 or 100 lines: put them outside/take them to the principal/contact their parents. Normally you will rarely reach this point.
8) The kids get their lines on Friday. That means they will try to keep out of trouble until Friday or get more lines for the weekend.
9) On Monday you collect the sheets (and here's the important part), erase everybody from the naughty side, and put them back on the good side. Praise them. In my class the other kids even applaud.
10) If a kid scores a very high mark whilst being on the naughty side of the whiteboard (with or with out lines) and is clearly trying hard to be good: erase their name abd put it on the good side with due praise. In my class that happens only when they score 5 stars.
11) Kids that behave well and score high marks on their assignments or homework, or do what ever well get marked with a red star. The best student of the week (1 boy and 1 girl) gets a small gift or a piece of candy. It works very well if a student draws their own star behind his or her name .
12) Keep the kids just below the top on their toes by sometimes taking away the star. Be fair.

Of course this method needs to be tweaked a little for older students where it's about being cool and the pressure comes from the group more. The idea is to correct behavior, have many opportunities to do it and make it easy to get to to the good side.

One more tip: you can play angry. I do the old fire and brimstone routine every once in a while. But never be angry. It will eat you and all your energy up and you'll end up getting eaten alive by your class. Not a pretty sight. Believe me, I've seen it.

In case your wondering: the maximum number of students I've ever had on the naughty side: seven. Usually, it's three :)

Now what?!

One of the joys of being in Thailand is that creepy feeling you get in shops sometimes. You're standing in front of a wall of products, but you have no idea what products. And sometimes you really have no clue what it is there selling. Yes: even after two years here! That's why I've come up with a little game.

<----It's easy: can you guess what this is?

Don't know? Think! What product category? No it can't be frozen fish. Can it? Come on. This one is easy! What was that? Mmm: you might be right. Quickly: the answer is in the comments!

Meditation made easy (1)

If you have been reading my posts about Buddhism you know I have a hard time bowing in front of statues just for ritual's sake. But everybody who knows me knows I've been meditating for years. Nothing compared to the years spent reading and/listening to idle talk, false mysticism and new age mumbo jumbo. So I thought I'd save everybody some time. And for all of you who've wondered and emailed and stuff: you'll finally know what it is that I do to keep so ehm...relaxed, centered, fresh and in the moment :)

Just to set the record straight: meditation is not Buddhist. Not only does it predate Buddhism, it is practiced in other religions (like Catholicism) and outside of the religious context all together. But only an idiot would ignore the strong ties between meditation and Buddha. The man studied hard with the most renowned (Bhramanistic) masters of his time. One of them (Alara Kalama) could be more mindful than anyone else. But the Buddha eventually managed to surpass his teacher and attained the highest level of mindfulness known to man. Not easy. It takes any master years to keep up these high levels of concentration 24/7.

Here's the good news and the kicker though: it is actually very easy to achieve a high level of mindfulness for a moment. And it's not that difficult to string those moments together. In fact: there is no need to try hard at all. It's not a race. But let's get started quickly!

Exercise 1: counting the breath

There are a million ways to do this. This is just a way that I have found to be easy and just long enough (about 20 minutes). The object here is to try and stop/clear the mind by focusing on your breath. No more. No less.

Be careful of these things:

-Breathe naturally, don't try to breathe deeper than normal or anything. Just be aware that you are breathing in (or out). It is best to breathe in and out through the nose, unless it is blocked. If you force anything you are doing it wrong.

-Do NOT try to suppress thoughts or be fustrated when your mind strays. Give yourself a break.

-Don't rush. Your pace should be entirely directed by the natural pace of your breath. The breath comes first, then you count it.

Ready? Here we go. Read through these points slowly first and then try to do it. Once a week is good. Once a day is better.

1) Sit somewhere were you won't be disturbed. Sit straight. This can be done on chair on a cushion, whatever as long as you keep your back straight. You can close your eyes if you want to.

2) Survey the room for a bit. Feel where your body makes contact to the floor/the chair/the cushion/the air. Take in all the sights and sounds and smells and stuff. Become aware of your breathing. You are breathing aren't you?

3) Breathe in and then breathe out. Count '50' on the 'out' breath. Count '49' on the 'in' breath and keep counting down like that.

5) Double up. When you get to '20': breathe out as before but wait with counting '19' to the next 'out' breath. You'll be doing: OUT 20- IN- OUT 19- IN- OUT 18. All the way down to 'one'.

6) Don't jump up. When you reach 'one' keep breathing consciously for as long as you like. Survey the room again, then get up slowly. Feel your feet touch the floor. You'll feel refreshed, light and clear headed. Good as new!

Note: When you lose track of the number or 'in' or 'out', don't worry. Just smile and think 'oops', breathe out and go back to 50.

My way

Got back from an English seminar all organisized (y'all know the Dan right?) by my neighbour Kaisit. An interesting gathering. All the typically Thai ingredients where there: rote learning, big ideas, huge expectations, even bigger speakers, karaoke, dancing, mangled English songs, loads of food, whiskey, a test everybody passed and (most importantly) loads of fun and laughter.

Now for the interesting part: I found myself teaching groups of principals from Educational area 5. Very eager students. very quiet compared to my normal first grade class and very aware that this was it: their chance to talk to a farang. Some of them were very shy. Especially when I put them on the spot. They didn't see that one coming, but I always do. They were supposed to speak English. Not me. In the end they did well. And they were thankful beyond belief. All in a days work.

O yeah: why this picture with this story? Well: I drove my first 30km on the highway to get to the seminar. That's why. Whoohooo!

Nightrider

One of the great things about having a bike is you can get around town after seven. Of course we have tuktuks, but they become lazier and more expensive every hour after six. And the songteaws (pick ups that ride around like buses) stop around six. But now I can ride around until the wee hours of the morning if I want to. At least I can go to the night markets or out for dinner without people giving us a ride.

The downside is that streetlights are rather dim here. And people drive around in cars and on bikes and bicycles without lights whatsoever. Then there's the usual stuff like people flinging doors open without looking, people driving on the wrong side of the road and so on. It gets interesting from time to time, but its very similar to riding a bicycle in Amsterdam. Just assume everybody driving is a drunk retard on the phone while changing a DVD that fell on the floor and you'll probably be alright.

Pokemon: Thai style

Remember my explanation about Buddhism? And my description of the Thai variety and its quirks? Silly me. All that explaining when a good everyday example is right up for grabs: the Jatukam Ramathep -craze. The what?! They're amulets. I see them everywhere. There are being traded in the markets, at our school and along side mobile phones and computer games at shopping malls all over Thailand. And everybody has them: monks, bus drivers, kids, politicians, movie stars, cleaners, housewives, even some farangs.

Now hold on: amulets have been a part of Thailand since time immemorial. But in the last couple of years it has become a fad that seems to know no bounds. Amulets used to be worn under the shirt to protect the wearer from all kinds of evil. Back then it was more or less a harmless personal superstition (if those exist). Costly. But easy. You didn't have to knock on wood ever again. Walked under a ladder? Who cares!

In recent years however it has become all about showing off. Some Buddhist leaders have tried to do something about it. But the amulets got bigger, ever more elaborate and al lot more sparkly. So did the names. You can now get yourself a Extra-Super-Rich-amulet with special ingredients from temple X. But better get an Ultra-Strong-Life-amulet that's been touched by monk Y too! Who knows what will happen if you don't. And of course you wear it over your shirt. How else is everybody gonna see it? And it all wouldn't be complete without a heavy golden casing. So what do you look like now? That's right: a rapper.

What this has to do with Pokemon? Combine the craze, the power ups, the estimated 20 billion Baht in turnover and you do the math.

Trough the language barrier

Yay! We have our driver's licences! For car and motorbike! Khon Kaen be ware! Why do I need all these exclamation marks?! Anyway: now I can drive my bike legally and that means I'll be properly insured. I can also rent a car and stuff. (But I'm not gonna. Need some more practice). Although the exam went well. We paid to pass of course, but we would have passed anyway. All we had to do was put on our seat belt, turn right, stop, indicate our next right turn, drive past the parking space into a narrow street, stop, reverse without hitting anything, parallel park in the parking spot, reverse out and turn the corner, turn another right, ride up a little bridge, turn right and stop at the line. Easy.

Unfortunately that's not what happened the first time we tried it. This had a lot to do with the fact we were driving an extremely sensitive Nissan sedan as wide as a truck. And even more with the fact that we thought we understood what the instructor said, when in fact we didn't. Luckily a Thai colleague (and the owner of the extra wide Nissan) was there. She was gonna show us how it's done, got into her car and preceded to drive the Nissan ever so sensitively into a drain and got stuck.

After we got the car out, she showed us though and so we avoided all drains, curbs and traffic cones. In fact we were so good and paid so much money we didn't even have to show our motorcycle prowess anymore. Party time! Excellent (just like my helmet)!

Dharma if you do/dharma if you don't (2)

*Long post alert* Should have kept my big mouth shut. Brought it on myself. Here we go...'What is Buddhism?' Holy cow... I can't answer that. But I can tell you what's at the core and point out some common misunderstandings.

1) There is suffering, but luckily if we recognize that, there is a way (The Way) to end it and to experience a state of endless well being and happiness.

2)The Way is called the eightfold path, consisting of Right View, Right Thought, Right Speech, Right Action, Right Livelihood, Right Diligence, Right Mindfulness, Right Concentration. One brings forth (and is interconnected with) the others.

3) Everything is impermanent: everything changes, even from one moment to the next.

4) There is no self: the division between you and me, or you and tree is an illusion. You inter-are with everything. You (like everything) consist of non-you elements.

5)There is a ground of being, a substance of all that is: Nirvana (not the band). It is the extinction of all notions. Birth, death, being, non being, chair, hate, frying pan...all these concepts, all those words do not represent reality in its ultimate essence. But we can touch that essence if we are mindful.

Of course there is more to it, but on the other hand this is it. No more. End of story. Short and sweet. Badibadabe-that's all folks.

But for all the simplicity these core teachings are often misunderstood. Because of the emphasis on 'suffering' the teachings are sometimes seen as pessimistic.

Others emphasise the 'emptiness' often mentioned in Buddhist texts and spend hours and hours trying to be empty. But empty just means empty of a separate self and has nothing to do with nihilism, thinking of 'nothing' and white furniture.

Then there's the most important rule of Buddhism. It can be found in the Snake Sutra and it's often forgotten or left out. It tells the world not to get caught in any teaching, even Buddhism itself. So:

6) Any teaching/concept is like a poisonous snake: if you handle it you've got to be very careful not to get bitten.

OMG

Thanx Basso and Robster for verifying that my blog is still out there. I just visited it by proxy. No problems. But it also means I and everybody else in Thailand probably still don't see the blog. Weird. Could I actually be censored? C'mon now. That was a joke you guys. Cut it out already! Flip the switch, value=true, give me a break...

Dharma if you do/dharma if you don't (1)

'So what is it like, living in a Buddhist country?' I somehow got (and still get) that question a lot. At first I could not really answer that. Yesyesyes, Buddhism seems to be present in everything here. Sometimes it's beneath the surface somewhere. Sometimes it's right there in your face. But after a year in Isaan my answer would have to be 'Sometimes I'm not so sure I'm in a Buddhist country at all.'

Here's why. First of all: what is a Buddhist country anyway? It's got a whole bunch of branches just like any major religion. Second of all, in Thailand and in Isaan especially, Buddhism is heavily influenced by various superstitions, ancestor worship, voodoo-like rituals, Brahmanism and so on. Some of it quite compatible, some of it not so much so at first glance. One day I might list those here. Not today though.

What gets me about Thailand has more to do with the branch-thing. You had the Buddha and then the monks spread the word to the south, everything ended up in Sri lanka and moved into Thailand by way of...well anyway, in the end you get Thai Theravada Buddhism. And a lot of people struggle with what that means nowadays. According to some senior monks it is has become more of a belief system than a way of life. More of a religion than a practise. And who can blame some Thai for being a bit confused if you also put all the Chinese, Indian and hilltribe (and Western!) influences in the mix? Not me.

Viva la visa!

Not only have we signed up for a new year at our school, we also got an early start at getting all the paperwork done. For everybody outside of Thailand: getting a new visa is not a going-to- the-right-window-and-taking-a-number-kind of affair. It requires skill and especially determination. Just so you won't think I'm biased. Here is a completely factual and full length play by play.

December
We start asking the school to make sure that this year all the paperwork is set in motion before the end of March. Several of us are going on trips abroad and if you leave the country without a new Non Immigrant B visa, you'll have to start the whole thing from scratch: tourist visa, leaving the country, applying for a Non-B and so on.

January
We check what we need to bring as well as we can. Information online and in real life is often vague or contradictory. Especially because we do not only need a new Non-B visa. We need a work permit extension and a re-entry permit (because we're going out of the country).

February
Nothing much happens. Except of course for teaching assistants preparing documents we sign.

March, week one
We start pushing for an as near as possible date to go to the immigration office and the labour department. We find out that the school has already booked the school van for the visa run for the last week of March (!). If even the slightest thing goes wrong, there will be no time to correct it.

March, week two
Not only have our prayers been heard, when we push for this Friday, the school says 'OK' (Yaaaaaaay). But then says: 'wait a minute' and makes it Monday (Awwwwwwww).

March, week three, Monday
We show our work permit at the office, evidently this year we do not have to have the visa first. Good. Not so good: There is no one available to sign for the use of the school van trip to Udonthani (1 hour), where there is an immigration office. Trip postponed to Tuesday. Tess reminds us all to bring pictures and no matter who we ask, no body is sure about the size.

March, week three, Tuesday
We all jump aboard the school van at seven AM. Because it is Tuesday, we have to go to the main office in Nong Kai (a three hour trip). Half way trough we are asked if be brought everything on a list. Miraculously Everybody has everything. Pictures in all sizes, passports, work permits and a unbelievable stack of forms per person (each page copied three times).

We arrive before the crowd even though we had to stop in the city to shop for a present to give to the immigration officer. He has a reputation of disliking farang (which is fair enough because he mostly sees the wrong kind). So a big box with the huge ribbon is bought to smooth things over. Legend has it that there is a big bottle of Thai whiskey in the box, but our questions about its content are met with silence and smiles by the Thai teachers.

We start filling in the forms give our passports and for a moment it looks bad. The officer is tearing pages out of stacks and saying that there is stuff missing. But suddenly (after muffled discussions with the head of our delegation) I have to hand in my forms. I'm not even done with the second one. But ten minutes later I'm holding my passport with all the right stamps.

Then it's time to pay up. Of course we asked if we should bring money. The answer was 'no'. But apparently the treasury department of the school refused to fork over the dough. We painstakingly gather just enough money by borrowing the odd thousand Bath from the Thai teachers. Then it turns out that we have to pay more for our re-entry permit. Twice the price stated on the form. When we point that out the officer simply says: 'That is the old form.'

After some shopping and making sure that the school is going to pay us the money back, we arrive back in Khon Kaen.

March, week three, Wednesday...
Hand in our work permit to get the stamps and signatures.

March, week four, ...Sunday
Write this all down on the blog. Still hoping my work permit will be back before I leave for Bangkok. I have to say that it's looking pretty good. Mind you: this is actually the smooth way of getting your paperwork done. If you do it without the help of a government school and let's say you don't speak any Thai at all... Good luck!

Owjah

Natuurlijk, helemaal de bommen in Bangkok vergeten. *switcht heel slinks van taal* Voorlopig zijn er dus de volgende theorieen:

1) De moslims rukken op vanuit het zuiden.
2) F-side supporters van de afgezette PM en de PM zelf willen rellen en de macht terug ook enzo.
3) Iedereen die hoog en droog zat onder de ouwe PM en nu laag zit met vochtige oogjes willen weer terug naar dat hoge en droge. Moeten ze wel even van deze regering af.
4) De junta zelf zit erachter om vervolgens uitstel en afstel van de democratische verkiezingen te verkrijgen.
5) Er is een machtsstrijd binnen de legertop en of de oude of de nieuwe junta bereiden een extra staatsgreepje voor. Is wel even de nodige instabiliteit voor nodig.
6) Meerdere van deze theorieen zijn tegelijk waar.
7) Er is een onbekende groep actief.
8) Toch weer die rot aliens! Boos omdat ze met al die rijst hier geen graancirkels kunnen maken.

Voorlopig houdt ik het even op nummertje 3. Maar 5 is ook niet mis. Feit is dat dit nog niet klaar is. Als ik meer weet....

2006: the roundup

Now that they seem to have fixed all the cables, I can fill you in on everything that happened during the ho ho holidays. My appearance as Santa should at least be nominated for an Oscar. And the principal's interpretation of the Sundance Kid was no mean feat either. The crowd went wild. But that was probably due to the massive amounts of sugar eaten. And it wasn't over.

Christmas is of course followed by New Year and in Thailand that means: presents. Everybody buys something, all the presents are numbered and all the numbers go into a big hat. Guess who got to call the numbers? Guess who was a little scared of being eaten alive by a group of seven year olds if he didn't read the numbers fast enough? That's right. You guessed it. But luckily no teachers were hurt during the making of this production.

And luckily we had a party to look forward to. A teachers only party at a nightclub. I was expecting copious amounts of alcohol. I was expecting very spicy food. But nothing could have prepared me for Thai teachers dressing up as Snowhite, Rudolph The Rednosed reindeer and every other costume imaginable. Then there was the Isaan band with the charismatic male singer/jokester and the six scantly clad female singers. Quite a show. And if you can't beat them...

So we got on stage after getting Tessels saxophone. I climbed behind the drums and thinking that the band would surely know the H.M. Blues (a cool and famous jazzy tune composed by the King) I counted to four and played away, because that's jazz. The band was right there on the 'one' but then no one played the melody. No problem: so we're playing free jazz all of a sudden. Fine by me. Forget the theme. Straight into the solo's, Tess is there, but wait a minute: why are you guys not going to F? Blues has three chords guys. Three. Hello? Okay: so we're doing a long vamp in C now. Can't say that that has never happened before. Tess's going for it. The audience likes it. But the band is in a state of sheer panic. They bail when invited to solo. And when Tess's finally done exploring even the remotest corners of the chord of C and we go into a nice bombastic ending I can almost smell their relief.

This is a test

Everybody remain calm...